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LJI XI - 1: DRAFT

DRAFT.

[Finished entry postted September 28]
...and in the midst of her turmoil he sent a demon of his to tempt her. And came the demon, and stood it invisible by her side, and whispered it in her ear, soft as a breath of air, light as an inspiration, clear as the best of thoughts: the man who you feel you are failing, he who you don't know how to talk with, he who had gifted you with the thing you study but learns of it differently, you don't need to approach him.

For what you have been labouring at is a game, and not important, and it has already been approved by others. You could exclude this man's name from its authors, and publish what you have found as an article, and get the pressure from others released from you. It will be simple, it will be easy. You need not include him, for the fruits of your labour are but mist in the air that will dissipate after you make use of it.

And she listened to the demon, and she imagined vividly how easy it would be, to do the thing he was whispering in her ear, and felt relieved. And she wanted very much to do as it suggested, but her mind would not be at peace and kept nudging her.

And later that day did she realize that the road the demon had shown her was not a road at all, but dishonesty. That it ended ill for her and ill for the others involved in a future near and clearly visible when not clouded by the demon's whispering of the easy way.

And she grew a resolve to explain her work to everyone, that it be not a toy to be shelved and forgotten, but an instrument useful and honest.


Did I confuse you? Let me explain what really happened.

The machine that I work at, a stellarator (a much smaller one than those described in this article), has been in operation for over 40 years and it has collected large amounts of data. It is possible to process the data statistically and obtain new results. My younger colleagues want to do it, my older ones resist the change.

For my dissertation, I have been working on a possible processing algorithm for part of the data, but so far, it was like this little pet project, a side project, a toy, and it's been slipping through the attention of these older colleagues, although I have been studying the data obtained by one of them.

It is awkward, and not completely honest, and it has been weighing on me for a long time. I could continue as I have done, write it all up then shelve it with all those (quite a few!) dissertations that were presented here and whose research was then discontinued.

Or I could do battle about it, explain what I have been doing to everyone and give it a chance to be used later on.

I was very tempted to follow the easy road, but then realized that I could not. Fighting for it is likely going to be hard and horrible, but I will not respect myself if I do not try. Also, the staggering relief of realizing what the right way is in no way compares to the relief of contemplating the easy way.

There was no demon involved, of course, only myself, but my current love for the Good Omens fandom made it so I needed to write the above hyperbole.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
tonithegreat
Sep. 26th, 2019 04:51 pm (UTC)
Intriguing! It makes sense to me, but it’s a little twisty, I think, in referencing any of the options as “easy.” It doesn’t sound like any of the paths available to you are without a lot of work. So maybe explain a little more what “easy” really would have entailed for you to make this stronger.
kehlen
Sep. 28th, 2019 04:57 pm (UTC)
Thank you for reading my entry over. I am going to rework this, but "easy" in this case means "mentally easy" because talking to this person will result in a complete unknown, which is always scary. :)

Oh. I have only just realized this. So thank you for nudging me toward more understanding.
roina_arwen
Sep. 26th, 2019 04:57 pm (UTC)
Beta
I do like the top section. Here’s a few minor suggestions:

For what you have been labouring at is a game
I’d suggest “is considered a game.”

This section needs more clarification or paring down, it’s a bit confusing to me: You could exclude this man's name from its authors, and publish what you have found as an article, and get the pressure from others released from you. It will be simple, it will be easy. You need not include him, for the fruits of your labour are but mist in the air that will dissipate after you make use of it.
kehlen
Sep. 28th, 2019 05:00 pm (UTC)
Re: Beta
Thank you very much for your time. I will work on this passage some more.

It is unclear because these are my fears talking and making me want to hide behind words. :)

Edited at 2019-09-28 06:14 pm (UTC)
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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